Hearing/Listening
Hearing is one of our natural senses while listening requires focus and attention. To stay present and truly hear what another person is communicating takes practice. As our minds wander we become distracted by our internal narratives. Our attention becomes fragmented as we often think about what we want to say. Our emotions can also interfere with our ability to listen. As a result, we may miss the core messages of our spouses, children close friends and colleagues.
The Buddhist monk, author and peace activist, Thich Nhat Hanh said, “When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there.”
When someone truly listens to us, it is emotionally powerful. Their presence touches something very deep in us; our profound human longing to feel accepted, to be loved, to be valued and respected. To be genuinely heard is to be validated. It bonds people together by building trust.
The gift of one’s presence enhances our relationships through connectedness that is a result of mindful listening. The practice of presence starts from within but the benefits extend far beyond ourselves.
I love this quote by Sue Monk Kidd, “There are so many wonderful gifts I can give those I love, but the one that lingers when all the others are gone, the one that knits the brightest threads into life, is the gift of my presence.”
Tips to Cultivate the Art of Mindful Listening
1.Give the person your undivided attention by putting aside your own concerns and worries along with your cell phone.
2.Notice the automatic thoughts arising in your mind bringing your attention back again and again to simply listening.
3.Stay open to the person’s perspective and recognize your judgments as they surface.
4.Employ all of your senses and concentrate on what is being communicated.
5.Notice the person’s facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice to discern more information of the message being disclosed.
6.Pay attention without getting defensive and without interruption.
7.Be curious and ask questions to deepen the conversation.
8.Paraphrase what you’ve heard to make sure you have understood.
9.Look lovingly into their eyes with kindness and an open heart.